I wanna live in a dream

2010-12-07T18:53:00.008+08:00

I guess... im a dreamer... nvm me... i've posted wat i wanted to post below... i guess i shldn say more... i shldn giv u anymore problems...

2010-12-06T02:05:00.002+08:00

everyday i realise tat i hav so much to say... *sigh* i miss u alrdy

i hav said wat i said the other day…. and i think i hav to continue what i hav decided to do… BUT… i wan u to noe that i regretted it as soon as i voiced it out to u… i really do… i spent this Sunday wondering abt outside… so i can spend time alone…. i felt as if a few days have passed… knowing that thrs no turning back anymore… knowing that this decision i’ve made has put me in a situation where i could nt be with u anymore… it hurts me… alot… tats cos i miss u..

i’ve made the decision to giv up spending time with u… so that i can hav “peace” from my parents… i have mixed feelings abt this… im really confused… on one hand i felt relief…. i dun hav to hide this secret from them anymore… but im really devastated at the fact that this is it btw me and u… i really wished thrs a way i could handle both situations without having to giv up one… it seems nt possible… my parents are worried abt wat im doing behind the comp all day… yes they dun noe… tats y they are tat annoying.. trying to find out… if i continue… and one day when they find out… the result will be devastating…

well… this isn the only way actually… thrs another way… but it can only happen if i can be with u.. lol… yes im probably thinking too much.. probably dreaming… if i can be with u for real… im willing to quit cabal… and tat would hav solved all the problems… but… this is nt to happen… u wouldn wanna be with me… so im only left with one option…

i m sry for repeating… but i can emphasize enough that im really devastated right now… i really dun wan my relationship with my parents to deteriote anymore… and at the same time… i wanna spend time with u… i guess… without u… my life will ultimately be in black and white… it doesn matter how much i smile.. how much i laugh.. but deep down inside me… thrs a huge piece of me missing… and tats u…

i cannot ignore the fact that thrs a hole in me.. in my life now.. i wish i could do something to patch up this hole… back to the original state…

the above is wat i wrote on wordpress.... if u dun visit tat blog... i wish for u to see it here.. =((

2010-12-03T23:23:00.004+08:00

I noe this day will come. I believe u noe it too. When this day finally arrive.. There will be alot of things i wanna tell u but i think i will be so drowned in tears that i cant put my feelings in words. This post will be whr i say everything. Forgive me.. All the things i promised..all the things we planned to do tgt. Im sry tat i cannot fulfil them. I..... I am sry tat i hav to lve.. Lve at a time like this... I just wan u to noe tat i can quit cabal anytime. It nt of any importance to
me anymore... But its u tat i cannot bear to lve... I go on9 everyday just to be with u... All i wanna do everyday is just to be able to be by ur side... i noe i can never be by ur side for real.. I understood tat i dun stand any chance... But all i wanted was to be by ur side tats all... This bond btw me and u... It is something i hold close to my heart.. As im typing this..im dropping tears alrdy... Will u be sad? Do i mean anything to u? I hope i do.. i hope i made an impact on u.. U meant everything to me.. There are lots of things in this blog that i dare nt tell u becos im afraid u wont believe me..afraid that u cannot handle it.. But now it seems that i have to go.. i wont have a chance anymore.. so i can only show u this blog when im rdy.. Thr are so many more i wanna i waana tell u... And i hope the previous 90+ posts speak for me.. I hope u will take a look at them.. At least a few ba =( i noe we still can talk to each other thru msn... But its diff..i hope u noe.. Its diff from spending time with u in cabal..

I think lastly... I wan to tell u tat i am very happy to have met u.. The times ive spent with u... Be it gd or bad times... I noe im happy... I couldn ask for more as an on9 fren.. However, i noe tat u still very much consider me as a stranger.. So i noe u will never wan to meet me.. I really wish we could be real frens.. I really do.... I hope i didn scare u with wat i said here.. Haiz.. Being a fren on9 i can oni do so much for u... I wish i could do more for u...

I wish u can be happy... I think i'll need sometime to get use to the life without u... i wish u well... work hard and excel in ur studies... and if ur still gonna be activ... wish u luck!(i will miss the days whr we say tat to each other whenever we hit chests)... get imba drops... jyjy to ke yun... a couple more yrs of sch and u are on ur way to freedom! i'll be dreading my 2 and half yrs more in Uni... pls take gd care of urself... protect urself well ok...

2010-11-28T18:58:00.003+08:00

i bought things for u... i go all the way to ur house just to giv it to u but i never got to see u... nt once... some of my frens noe abt it... and so they ask me... y are u doing this? y are u so stupid... u may get cheated u noe?

how do i ans them? i cant.. and i wont.. cos thrs something i noe, somethings i understand that they dont... and its tat love u and i noe tat i am happy.. just doing these things for u.. i noe that my feelings for u are real.. i let my heart lead me... no matter how foolish i may be.. i hope for the best.. altho it seems really bleak...

i've never done so much for anyone be4... let alone a girl... this is the first time i felt so... yes...foolish.. but im really happy as well... i noe tats wat i wanna do... so no1 can stop me.. nt even my closest frens. im a stubborn person and i believe u noe tat.. i dun wanna hav any regrets... thinking back.. why didn i this and that...

What can i do?

2010-11-17T19:28:00.001+08:00

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me..

***** Maybe there's ntg more i can do... i've exhausted all i hav... haiz

2010-11-12T14:14:00.002+08:00

memories.
you.
my heart.
love.

i will remember forever... the happiness i felt for that period of time.. no matter how short it was... i knew i was happy... i hope u noe..

2010-11-09T17:17:00.003+08:00

if one day... i hav a chance to hold ur hands... i will definitely cry.... i really dun care if they happy tears or sad tears... i just hope for tat day to come, so tat i can show u how i really feel towards u...

2010-11-09T17:00:00.001+08:00

從最佳位置，變成必須漂白的心。

暗戀的事，一旦東窗事發，一旦對方有了一個合法正選......

最佳位置，也許會敗給女性天生妒忌而培養而的靈敏嗅覺，非走不可。

或許，

終於不甘心，終於吐真言，希望斧底抽薪，來個扭轉乾坤.......

結果，

對不起，對方不領情。怎麼辦呢??

只好告訴你，不要被我嚇怕，我會放棄的，我會愛上另一個的，我說不定也許會嫁得很幸福......但你會是我最好的異性朋友吧﹖

火熱的心，被逼變成荒涼和蒼白的一片......努力地把笑容僵住，裝作其實我不介意......

只是總忘不了，佳節的彌敦道、許多次，我以為你差點觸碰到我的手......

只怕，要觸碰你的手，就要待你成婚的那一天、和你握手道賀吧﹖

也許，往後的日子，夢中我仍會看到你那笑容。一覺醒來，淚披滿面。

.... something i read... and my tears dropped... in relation to the song in the previous post

容祖儿 - 漂白的心

2010-11-09T16:08:00.000+08:00

不用相信我对你表白的感受
只要知道我们是永远的朋友
我没想到你怕了我过火的温柔
别让一场相识美丽都变成丑陋
我会好好忍住泪流你还夫复何求
我走你会不会跟我勉强的牵牵手
牵牵手可能是唯一抚摸你的藉口
我走在有笑容的时候请把我表情看透
我总是关怀你的感受不想听的不说出口
这一颗给你漂白的心
属于这多年的朋友什么都没有
想起我们从前难道你没发现那些沉默的缠绵
一起吃过拉面一起看过表演回忆永远不改变
我不希望爱情会让我抬不起头
别让难忘的往事都变成了一段伤口
我会向别人展开追求你还夫复何求
我走你会不会跟我勉强的牵牵手
牵牵手可能是唯一抚摸你的藉口
我走在有笑容的时候请把我表情看透
我总是关怀你的感受不想听的不说出口
这一颗给你漂白的心
属于这多年的朋友什么都没有
想起我们从前难道你没发现那些沉默的缠绵
希望经过多年我们还会见面
仅有的聊天关系不改变

='( is tat gonna be the ending? me leaving?

2010-11-08T19:18:00.002+08:00

i wish i could stop thinking... abt u and me... abt the happiness i felt in the past... abt the happiness if we could be tgt... i just wish i could... but it seems impossible... it creeps into my mind unknowingly... im defenseless... the thoughts... the memory sets me back... throws me into a state of despair... i take sometime to crawl back up agn.. but this happens agn and agn... ppl ask me why so emo... i wish i could tell them... but i couldn... i wish i could do something abt it... to change...to forget... but it seems ppl aren't made to move on... cos its the true feelings, true love that carves deep memories into ppls heart. and no doubt these memories will fade eventually, but it takes forever..

its the happy memories that make us wish we could go back... turn back the hands of time.. and its these memories that make me cry... and is precisely these memories and feelings that make us human... we love, we giv, we lose, we get hurt and thus we learn.

2010-11-06T11:10:00.002+08:00

i kinda ran out of words to say.... i cant put my feelings into words anymore...

it will just be another post abt how i feel abt u...

"So people tell me that this is what I get when I end up loving someone more than she does me. This is what happens when I let my sense of self-preservation disappear.

But I wouldn’t have let it be any other way. The condition of any relationship is to give everything you’re made of, and perhaps even more. The moment you look at it rationally and attempt to find ways to remain at the top of the status quo, it becomes a stupid mathematical game. The magic is lost and the point of being in love disappears.

It’s paradoxical, but you need to put yourself in a position of vulnerability before you can seek all that a relationship has to offer.

So this is where I stand now. Broken and arguably pathetic. While she moves along, perhaps happy and with someone new. It’s nothing more than consolation now, but finding myself pushing back relentlessly the sadness that has been permeating my life also means that for the time we lasted, I was happy.

It’s that simple. I was happy. That’s why I continue to struggle today, that’s why I have so many pieces to pick up. I removed all the stops, ceased to look for emergency exits and allowed myself to be suspended.

The break up has been a huge disappointment on many levels and I still catch myself wishing it could all go back to the way it was before. But we find little things in our lives to help us along and I soak in the knowledge that on my end, I’ve done what I could have, sensibly or not."

this was from a fren's blog... this is wat he is going thru... and this is pretty much how i feel as well... i noe tats how i feel cos tears welled up in my eyes when i read his post...everytime i read the things he posted... i guess i can only express myself thru the words of others right now... thrs ntg much i can say... ntg more i can say... i can only hope.

2010-10-29T18:42:00.001+08:00

i dunno wat to do... i dunno wat to think... do u think of me? i think of u alot...

2010-10-29T18:36:00.000+08:00

能约出来的人都约光
能吃得下的早已吃光
很用力谈笑比哭还绝望
怎么挨得到打烊

我以为痛苦可以分散
于是我忙到不能再忙
忙到忘记了洗掉你所有短讯
一字一巴打在我脸上

思念太猖狂一个冷不防
一想起你忙碌的生活变得空荡荡
对心事说谎把你想到多么的不堪
伟大的你还想我怎样

我以为工作能够疗伤
甚至恨不得病倒再算
没力气遐想谁知瘫痪在床上
越发渴望你就在身旁

思念太猖狂一个冷不防
一想起你忙碌的生活变得空荡荡
对心事说谎把你想到多么的不堪
伟大的你还想我怎样
想听歌,就上MP3音乐网=> www.93MP3.com
你也太猖狂一个冷不防
睡到一半才觉醒疗伤先要哭一场
对世界说谎只把自己哄骗得更惨
想得到释放只有投降
想得到释放只有投降

2010-10-27T18:51:00.005+08:00

im really nt sure wat im feeling these few days.... its a bit complicated... i feel kind of at ease... ive never had this feeling for so long.... it feels as though i hav ntg to care abt anymore...perhaps its becos i finally understood...

when i mean i understood... its like.. i noe "ok... it can never happen".... time to move on kind of feeling... haiz.. i really dun wish this to be true...

2010-10-24T19:23:00.002+08:00

things aint going smoothly for me recently.... many things... makes me feel like shyt... makes me feel useless... a burden... perhaps i really am..

on top of that... the distance btw me and u seems to increase everyday....

u hav been pretty quiet recently... and it makes me wonder if its becos of me... am i annoying? am i yet agn being invasive? if i am... im sry... i din mean to..

i try to be optimistic... thinking tat its just bad day for u.... i rember u told me tat b4... in the past.. but now i dunno wats happening le.. becos when i ask if ur alrite, u giv me a reason but i can tell that it isn truthful... like.. so pain =/... im sure u noe im nt asking abt the boss hitting u... im asking abt hows everything in real.... i wanna care but u are shutting me out... i feel so helpless... so useless... this just makes things worst cos i noe that i couldn really do anything to help u... but i tried to show my concern... and all i got in return is an untruthful reply... nt even "its a bad day"...

u noe.. im trying very hard to hold on.. but lately, it seems tat thrs ntg left for me to hold on.... u hav literally left me nowhr to hang on to... and im abt to fall... but if tats wat u want... im willing to let go... u dun hav to do this... i noe it will hurt but i will take the pain or even die.. for ur sake..

im thinking of ways to tell u... to talk to u... but im always afraid i'll mess things up.. i always do... haiz... i really dun wish to bring this subject up to u cos i noe it'll spoil ur day.. but i really hav to... i really need to noe wat u really wan...

2010-10-23T10:58:00.001+08:00

i noe my mistakes.... i hope u forgive me and give me another chance... a real chance to prove myself to u.... i shall make it all up to u...

2010-10-18T01:29:00.003+08:00

there are so many things running thru mind everyday.... wait... maybe thr isn alot, its just that its always the same few nagging issues.... its abt u... wait no.. its abt me and u... i guess u shld noe wat im thinking abt ba...

i've never felt so strongly for a girl b4... u are the first... but i hav to go thru so much.. so much yet i still cant be with u... if i can be with u... everything tat i went thru would be totally worth it... i will never be able to describe how happy i will be...

this night... lying on my bed, i am wondering if u ever trusted me b4.. im sure i've touched on this issue somewhr in this blog before..

if i tell u... i'ved scanned the channel and yes there is a rota.. im pretty sure u will believe str8 away..... but now let me change the context abit... if i tell u... i went thru alot emotionally, yes u are very impt to me and i love u.... will u believe me? my guess is that u wont believe me...

i wonder y... y isit tat hard to believe me when i profess my love for u?

in the first scenario.. u can go chk the rota for urself.. but in the second... i'd do anything u say just to prove it to u... if i could, i would dig out my heart just to show u that i mean wat i say... if u allow me, i would cab down to ur house at anytime just to tell u that i love u...

one of the nagging issue... is that when one day i leave this world... will cry for me? will u miss me? im really curious wat will go thru ur mind when im gone. will u rember the things i did for u... will u rember the times we spent tgt in cabal... will u rember me?

i really wish some1 could tell me wat to do next.... wat can i do to make u love me... i ran out of ideas... all my efforts seem to be futile so far...

recently i've started reading a frens blog... this fren of mine broke up nt long ago... he is struggling to move on... struggling to let go... to forget abt the relationship he really treasured... this girl left him... and he is now devastated... constantly haunted by the sweet memories they had... ripping him apart from inside out...

he is trying so hard to forget, to let go... and me? im trying so hard to hold on, to make this relationship happen... why do we have to face SO much hardship? perhaps u are nt fretting at all? but i wannna to tell u how much im thinking abt u... how much im going thru emotionally... im longing for the day to come.. the day when i can see u for real.. nt thru pictures... talk to u, nt thru words on the internet... listen to u... hold ur hands... ultimately... be by ur side...

my heart continues to burn for u... slp tight ky..

2010-10-17T19:14:00.002+08:00

watching the days go by... wondering if it will ever happen... trying to be optimistic... but i noe that chances are slim... cy... hold on... hold on... even if things dun turn out the way u wan it... just hold on... at least u noe u tried... at least u noe u waited... at least u noe u loved....

2010-10-08T17:58:00.002+08:00

in this society.... is it really true that the norm is tat the guy dumps the girl? y isit tat when we hear abt a couple breaking up, we always think of it as the guys being guilty, always the party tat is in fault?

i mean... these few days, i realised tat this is really nt true at all... and on the contrary, noticed that it is the girl who dumps the guy... and the guys are always the party who gets hurt... this is funny isn it? weird i hav to say...

but... thinking abt it... how come? y isit tat guys get dumped? we can never ans tat qn.... cos thrs always another side of the story... the girl's side...

another thing i realised... chinese songs ive heard, alot of them are about guys letting go, leaving for the girls happiness, and girls asking if the guy really loves her... well... y is this the case? it seems as tho my observations are backed/cfmed by songwriters.... some examples~

gary cao - bei pan
joey yung - 这就是爱吗
wu jia hui - 虽然我愿意

this is just 3.... but there are many many other songs tat sings abt guys being the pty getting hurt and im sure songs are nt just made up stories... thr are definitely personal experiences tat made lyrics/songwriters write these songs.... srsly, wat is wrong? are guys in this society really tat bad? or....? i dun noe the ans to it...

2010-10-04T21:47:00.002+08:00

will be missing u for abt 4-5 days.... today is the 1st day... u are gonna hav ur tests this wk so i shall not disturb u... but i alrdy missing u =>

like how its said... i can live without u.. but i dun want to... days without u just aint the life i wan... i wan u in my life... and i am determined to make it happen... =)

2010-09-21T19:04:00.003+08:00

when u are moody... i try nt to talk too much.. i try nt to ask too much... i hope im doing the right thing... cos even when i try to ask.... u wouldn wanna reply... ans me... well.. i figured u dun wan me to ask/care too much... i noe even if i knew wats wrong, i couldn really do anything to help u...

well, i will definitely be thr for u... if u allowed me to... but......

2010-09-17T20:21:00.003+08:00

Thinking back..... way back...

i rember those things i said to u... promised u.... the things i wanna giv u...

i get the heart wrenching feeling... feeling sad becos i dunno if any of it matters to u now... i wonder if u rembered the things i said b4... all the things i did b4.... with and for u... i just hope u understand why i do wat i do...

i noe if i ever brought the topic up to u... u will definitely avoid it...

it may sound very foolish... but i realise that i may die of lonliness if i lose u...

2010-09-17T19:02:00.003+08:00

Everyday on my way home, i think of u.....everyday i come on9.... i come on9 just to wait for u.... i wanna be with u the moment u come on9... tat has been my lifestyle now....

I wonder how's ur life.....

2010-09-16T19:05:00.004+08:00

hmmmm.... u suspended ur blog... i wonder why.. i wonder wats wrong... i hope u are ok... i really hope so... =(

i want u to noe... watever u do... watever u say... no matter wat happen... i will still love u...if and when u need me, i swear i will make an effort be thr to accompany u... i hope im not just an online acquaintance... i really hope u take me as a fren... a fren for real...

2010-09-14T21:59:00.001+08:00

u noe u have the power to build me up and tear me down....

i noe u noe it.. why do u hav to bring me down... why.... haiz...

2010-09-13T18:47:00.002+08:00

watched a show... the name is called fireproof...

i learned something from that show... never leave you partner behind..

the main character in the show asked this qn... how am i suppose to love her agn and agn when she keeps rejecting my love.... character B answered.... if tats how u feel, tat means u dun noe how to really love...

True love = Love the person even if he/she rejects it time and agn, even if the person doesn let u into their hearts... even if he/she turns their back to u...

if one could keep showing, keep giving love no matter what happens... this person has understood true and real love....

i guess one day when he/she finally realises it.... things will change for the better... even the hardest and coldest of hearts..

tats y i will never leave u.... i will stay by ur side.. no matter wat... i will change myself if im nt gd enuf...im willing to do anything just for u...

2010-09-03T19:26:00.002+08:00

there are times whr everything seems so clear.... as though i hav finally understood everything, understood tat u dun wan any of it... understood tat wat i do is not gonna change ur mind... understood tat everything will end someday... in vain..... but still i'm foolishly holding on to tat thin thread of hope.... however thin it is... i just wan u to noe... im still holding on... cos i love u.... i really do... i hope u believe me... *sigh*... lost at sea... paddling desperately on my piece of plank... hoping to find shore soon... the shore i wanna be...

2010-09-01T07:55:00.003+08:00

i cant see u.. i cant hear u... i cant feel u... all i can do is think abt u... i hope u noe how i feel.. all the time.. =(

2010-08-25T18:30:00.002+08:00

I noe ur worries... i think... but wat can i do to reassure u?

i feel so weak and useless.... i wish u could tell me wat to do..

2010-08-22T21:37:00.005+08:00

things in heart that cant be said.... feels miserable....

feeling troubled.... troubled by 2 sides.... my family and this side.... the secret i've been keeping...it seems harder and harder to keep it from them...

like said... fire cant be wrapped by paper....

its like im trying to melt ice with tat fire and yet hav to keep it under cover... under wraps... i have kept it under wraps for so long... now it seems like the fire is threatening to burn thru the paper... however... im nt sure if i have melted the ice... even abit... or has it frozen yet agn... haiz... i try to put in so much effort... and im nt even sure if im getting anywhr... =( i need to noe.. i really need to... yea i noe good things need to wait... how long then? i noe u cant promise anything either... tats y its so saddening...

陈晓东 - 心有独钟

2010-08-18T18:21:00.002+08:00

心有独钟(陈晓东)
这种感觉从来不曾有
左右每天思绪
每一次呼吸心被占据
却苦无厌
是你让我着了迷
给了甜蜜又保持距离
而你潇洒来去玩爱情游戏
我一天天失去勇气
偏偏难又难忘记
等等为你心有独钟
因为爱过才知情多浓
浓得发痛在心中痛全是感动
我是真的真的与众不同
真正为你心有独钟
因为有你世界变不同
笑我太傻太蒙懂或爱得太重
只为相信我自己
能永远对你心有独钟

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
给了甜蜜又保持距离...我真的不知道你在想什么我也不知道该怎么办

李圣杰 - 痴心绝对

2010-08-18T17:25:00.000+08:00

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味
你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

曾经我以为我自己会后悔
不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪
为你做任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

张芸京 - 坏了

2010-08-18T15:58:00.002+08:00

大口的呼吸像离了水的鱼
大步的离去用我最后一丝力气
每阵风每场雨
都加速爱情的凋零
散发出斑驳的气息
眼看爱
慢慢的腐败慢慢的解散
慢慢沉入暗黑的深海
这个世界上什么东西不会坏

大口的呼吸像离了水的鱼
大步的离去用我最后一丝力气
每阵风每场雨
都加速爱情的凋零
散发出斑驳的气息
都怪我
偏偏要去爱偏偏要等待
偏偏幻想我会是例外
不管那时候爱得多不知好歹
坏了就该淘汰

明明我早就明白
明明我早就明白
明明我早就明白

都怪我
偏偏要去爱偏偏要等待
偏偏幻想我会是例外
不管那时候爱得多不知好歹
坏了就该淘汰
坏了就该淘汰

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

偏偏要去爱偏偏要等待
偏偏幻想我会是例外...... am i very naive? =(

2010-08-16T19:11:00.004+08:00

i have close frens.. frens who i knew couldn be with the girl they wanted to be with...

this fren of mine... waited for this girl for 5 yrs... and still got rejected after all this yrs... why? why so unfair... why such harsh treatment?

Looking at all the other goodlooking guys out thr... who could be with the girl they wanted... it made me think.. why? why is tat the case?

the ones we love... never loved us.... it either we lost our chance... or we never had a chance...

*sigh*

2010-08-13T18:25:00.002+08:00

i always have the feeling that when i had to leave one day... i wont be in ur heart for very long... but i noe u will always be in mine... now matter after how long... u will still be in my heart somewhr... even if its in a small corner... i will always remember u...

2010-08-13T17:05:00.002+08:00

Feeling aren't always rational or reasonable.... That's why they are feelings.

it would be dangerous if someone rationalises their feelings and emotions....

2010-08-11T18:50:00.001+08:00

not here... not there... not anywhere near...

like being out at sea.... stranded... pls save me... need u

2010-08-10T19:13:00.004+08:00

today i heard tat a fren of mine broke up with his gf... initially i tot he dumped her... i bet many will start by thinking that way..

but no.... he was dumped... i wonder why... he is a gd guy... he isn a playboy... he is driven... hardworking... what happened... i felt really sry... cos i made fun of him and his ex... and he only told us after tat... sigh..

on my other frens car today and on my way back... i was thinking... this couple of many years... why did they break up? and after awhile i somehw drifted.... started to think abt myself... and u... why and what happened... cos on the car my fren asked abt me... and all i could tell him is... liddat lor.. wat can happen...

i tried... i made known to u abt my feelings... did all i could to reach u....
and really all i can do is wait... cos everything lies on u now.. ur courage.. ur decision..
feeling helpless.. cos i realise everything i do may nt have an impact on ur decisions anymore... means.. im at ur mercy... rather crude =S but yea tats the case... if u have sentenced me to death... all i can do is to continue to help u... until the day u decide to execute me... no matter wat else i do... i'll still be executed one day right?

i feeling foolish... but wat can i do... im tat foolish...

2010-08-08T11:29:00.002+08:00

Feeling really down......

i am always the one being treated like a fool...

am quite sick of playing the fool...

always trying to do better... always trying to give my all.. trying to get closer..

being foolish... sticking ard.... even when no1 wans me ard anymore...

maybe after everything.. im still a stranger to u...

maybe tats all i am to u... nothing more than a stranger...

2010-08-05T19:09:00.002+08:00

The heart always feel very lonely....

我从没真正地拥有过

I feel the connection btw us....

我想有一天我需要向你说明白，我希望你会面对我不要逃跑

I believe u feel it too... why run away...

对你来说这一切可能都是假的，但我很肯定是真的

I am awake... and i noe this not a dream...

如果都是假的，为什么我会受伤呢?

i noe i can.. no... we can make it real.

五月天 - 温柔

2010-08-05T19:08:00.000+08:00

走在风中今天阳光突然好温柔
天的温柔地的温柔像你抱著我
然后发现你的改变孤单的今后
如果冷该怎么渡过
天边风光身边的我都不在你眼中
你的眼中藏著什么我从来都不懂
没有关系你的世界就让你拥有
不打扰是我的温柔
不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
明明是想靠近却孤单到黎明
不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你
不知不觉不情不愿又到巷子口
我没有哭也没有笑因为这是梦
没有预兆没有理由你真的有说过
如果有就让你自由

至少还有你

2010-07-31T13:42:00.000+08:00

我怕来不及我要抱着你
直到感觉你的皱纹有了岁月的痕迹
直到肯定你是真的直到失去力气
为了你我愿意
动也不能动也要看着你
直到感觉你的发线有了白雪的痕迹
直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸
让我们形影不离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记
就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里
我怕来不及我要抱着你
直到感觉你的发线有了白雪的痕迹
直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸
让我们形影不离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记
就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里
我们好不容易我们身不由已
我怕时间太快不够将你看仔细
我怕时间太慢日夜担心失去你
恨不得一夜之间白头永不分离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记
就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里
在那里

2010-07-22T14:47:00.000+08:00

有时后想到一些事情，心总是会酸酸地

2010-07-21T13:34:00.003+08:00

~真爱仿佛地平线总是美得好遥远~

用真心去等代一位我爱的女孩，但不知道会不会等代出结果，不知道到最后我能不能和她在一起。
我放弃了许多东西，只为了未来的那一线希望。
我原意为了她，放弃更多的东西也没关系。

我希望这真心能一直此续下去，也希望有一天这真心能感动她。

2010-07-19T11:12:00.002+08:00

chatting with you yesterday.... somehow u mentioned abt the hairstyle i wanted to have.... i said i gave up trying... then u replied tat u din expect tat...

this reply tells me something... it tells me u noe something.. it tells me tat u think i dun giv up tat easily... and probably u noe i dun wanna giv up trying to be with u.... somehow im quite cfm....

this then made me think thru the night... only slpt at 2... since u noe im still trying so hard... and u are nt giving me any chance... are u planning to wait it out till i giv up? if tats the case... y nt just make me giv up right away? make me quit... cos if i quit... it means i gave up... i really dun wish it to end tat way...

another possibility would be u are waiting till u are ready... hoping that i will hang on till then... i hope this is the reason u are nt letting me in...

i wan a happy ending... i wanna be with u... =(

2010-07-13T19:01:00.000+08:00

you noe.... alot of my frens noe abt u.... noe abt u becos i always tell them i wanna go home... joining the war with u.... i always wan to go home early so tat i can be on9 with u.... almost all my frens noe tat...

and frens of mine asked me.... "ur feelings for her so strong? so real?" and i replied "yes".... they will never understand how i feel... only i noe.. and some of my frens even asked "if u really like her, y dun u try to ask her out?".. even said "if she take u as a fren, she wont say no"... i always just laugh at what they say...

this qn they ask.... i never really answered them before... cos its obvious isn it? i usually just reply them with a sigh but really, im always saying it inside my heart... "of cos i've tried....but.." im afraid of telling them the truth... im afraid of the things they will say afterwards if i tell them... i dun wanna hear them...

i never want to give up trying... but im always wondering... why isit tat hard? what can i do? i am lost... i cant find the answer to these qns.... if u see this.... i hope u can help me..... give me an answer... =(

[MTV] 王若琳 Joanna Wang - I Love You（陶喆「愛很簡單」英文版）

2010-07-09T18:58:00.000+08:00

2010-07-09T14:20:00.000+08:00

我不在乎什么天长地久
我只在乎你想不想要拥有
一颗真心和温暖的手
在身後陪你微笑或泪流
我不在乎你下次回来待多久
我只在乎这心动前所未有
我不会走 Coz I Love You So

=> i wont leave... i wont let go.... cos i love u...

2010-07-06T17:13:00.002+08:00

i haven been writing in here for awhile....

i dunno if its a sign from u... but i feel u have opened up to me more alrdy... i am really happy.... i hope u are happy... i hope i can give u happiness... love u =>

i hope u can brace urself... gather the courage to go on this journey with me... i want... i need u with me =)

2010-06-29T16:14:00.001+08:00

i wanna give the whole world to you... show you how important you are to me... i wanna give you everything you want, everything u need... at least i will try to =>

2010-06-22T14:33:00.000+08:00

爱情里最残忍的暧昧，是我明明知道我爱你，而我们却只是好朋友。友情里最自私的胆怯，是你明明知道你爱我，而你还假装只是朋友。

this is a qoute from a book.... well.. my fren posted this on his facebook... found it to be really meaningful....

2010-06-10T17:17:00.000+08:00

i love you... but i dare not tell u anymore... i dare not show it to u anymore...

i am afraid tat you may find me irritating... annoying... tat is why i rather keep it to myself now... ultimately... i am afraid of losing you...

when i see other guys flirting with u... i try my best to ignore... but by ignoring, it hurts... i feel it... i am not sure whether u wan me to interfere or not... i want to protect you... i always get a feeling that you dun wan anyone to think that we are together... tats y i dare not show too much protection... haiz.. wat shld i do?

2010-06-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

i wonder why i keep having the feeling that i wont be able to stay on for very long... i nt sure its becos im moving and tat the new room may nt allow me to be on9.... or is my health really nt allowing me to continue... haiz i dun noe.. but i keep having these tots... but i dun wanna leave... nt b4 i figure out how u really feel...

i have always wondered... if one day i had to go... how would i tell u abt it... how will u react to it... wat qns i need to ask u... wat things i need to tell u....

i realised i have alot of things to say to u... to let u noe... and only a couple of things i wanna ask u....

i guess i shldn type it out.. cos i think i m repeating all the time... haiz.. so sick of myself alrdy... so gutless... so weak.... such a loser... dun hav wat it takes to get his love... ='(

The tears i cry are words tat the heart cant say... if u ever get to see my tears... i hope u will understand how i feel for u...

2010-06-06T20:52:00.002+08:00

why.... why is it so tiring? why is it so hard to get the happiness i wan? why is it so hard to get the things i want? i dun wanna miss it u noe?

如果沒有遇見你　我將會是在那裡
日子過的怎麼樣　人生是否要珍惜
也許認識某一人　過著平凡的日子
不知道會不會　也有愛情甜如蜜

＊任時光匆匆流去　我只在乎你
　心甘情願感染你的氣息
　人生幾何能夠得到知己
　失去生命的力量也不可惜
　所以我求求你　別讓我離開你
　除了你我不能感到一絲絲情意

如果有那麼一天　你說即將要離去
我會迷失我自己　走入無邊人海裡
不要什麼諾言　只要天天在一起
我不能只依靠　片片回憶活下去

2010-06-05T12:27:00.002+08:00

You hav not been posting in ur blog... is tat a gd thing? are feeling happier? i hope it is... i hav got ntg much to post anymore... i have poured all my feelings into thos blog le... miss u.... i really do...

2010-05-20T22:12:00.003+08:00

When i'm alone... be it at home.... be it on the bus... i think of u.... when i'm on the internet.... all i can is look at your pics.... your facebook profile pic.... the old pics u posted on MySpace.... i look at ur pics cos i miss u... there isn any other way... i needed to see you ='(

do u noe how impt u are to me?.....i may nt be the world to u....but do u noe tat u are the world to me? u are all tat matters to me... u have become the most impt person in my life... u can change me... u can make me a better person.. its all becos i love u... i am willing to change for u...

I love you, say we're together baby, you and me

I can only give my life and show you all I am
in the breath I breathe
I will promise you my heart
and give you all you need if it takes some time
and if you tell me you don't need me anymore
that our love won't last forever
I will ask you for a chance to try again
to make our love a little better,
ooh...

I love you, say we're together baby,
say we're together, oh
I need you, I need you forever baby, you and me

You say you hardly know exactly who I am
so hard to understand
But I knew right from the start, the way I felt inside,
if you read my mind
and if you tell you don't need me anymore
that our love won't last forever, no
I will ask you for a chance to try again
to make our love a little better

I love you, say we're together baby,
say we're together, oh
I need you, I need you forever baby, you and me

Remember when you used to hold me,
remember when you made me cry
You said you loved me, oh, you did, yes you did

I love you, say we're together, baby, say we're together, oh
I need you, I need you forever, baby, you and me.

2010-05-17T22:44:00.002+08:00

im starting to miss u le.... i cant tell u how much u mean to me... how impt u are to me... how much impact u hav on me.... even if i tell u... u might believe wat i say.... cos wat i say online doesn represent me offline... isn this wat u say? haiz... i wish u can trust me.... trust me this when i say im really in love with u... trust me when i say i need u in my life.... trust me when i say i wanna be with u.... accompany u thru the thick and thins of ur torturous sch life... i wanna be the shoulder for u to lean on... i wanna be the there to emo with u....

i really miss u....

2010-05-15T12:30:00.002+08:00

its like going into a life firing area lookin for a flower for tat special someone u have in ur heart.... and the person shooting at u.... is exactly the person the flower is for.... if u survive and get back with the perfect flower.... u might be able to move her..... if u succeed... she will be the one treating and healing all ur wounds.....

me.... i am currently badly wounded.... after many unsuccessful attempts.... but every shot i take... i am standing up once agn to giv it another try.... i have tried many times... im nt sure how many more shots i can take.... i may just die from all the pain... all the suffering.... i hope i can find the flower that can finally open ur heart.... no matter how bloody my hands will get... i will keep trying.... all my efforts... i hope it pays off.... i hope u see it... i hope u feel it... i hop u would stop firing at me... pls.....

2010-05-14T20:57:00.003+08:00

im really losing it.... im losing my confidence... im losing u..... i think even if i continue to stay with u.... i will be like a zombie.... no enthusiasm.... lifeless.... it will become like a daily routine.... i really dun wan tat to happen... haiz... wat shld i do.... wat can i do....

this is happening cos im losing u.... u are forcing ur way out of my heart.... u are blowing out the flame burning in me.... if tats the case... if tats wat u wan.... i wonder if u evn wan me to be ard anymore... maybe u dun... i never noe...

do u noe its really hard to just treat u as a normal fren? cos i fell in love with u b4..... its really hard to just push u out of my heart...

石欣卉 - 阿蠢

2010-05-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

他什么样的轮廓把你从我身边给骗走
他什么样的温柔把你从我身边给拐走
他什么样的笑容把你从我身边给调走
他什么样的做作让你最后理会我隔夜的嘶吼
岁月的承诺失去几生执著
被留下的我不想走

tellmewhytellmewhy
我还在原地寂寞的徘徊我的爱
我的等待垮成了一地错过的无奈
tellmewhytellmewhy
我祈祷昏迷的我快醒来我的爱
就让它留在未来别让它变苍白
是什么样的依赖让我忘了你不可信赖
是什么样的障碍让我忘了该置身事外
是什么样的病态让我忘了你不能崇拜
是什么样的实在让我忘了要对自尊有个交代
手一方开爱跑到千里之外想赎爱得飘洋过海
tellmewhytellmewhy
我还在原地寂寞的徘徊我的爱
我的等待垮成了一地错过的无奈
tellmewhytellmewhy
我祈祷昏迷的我快醒来我的爱
就让它留在未来别让它变苍白

那个八成是我八成是我被虚纵过火
噌经爱过快被风化成残波
让爱想起什么我大声喊奏心跳撑着我
不愿坠落捍卫快乐的我在天国复活

tellmewhytellmewhy
我还在原地寂寞的徘徊我的爱
我的等待垮成了一地错过的无奈
tellmewhytellmewhy
我祈祷昏迷的我快醒来我的爱
(错过的都不存在我还有好多的疼爱)

2010-05-13T13:07:00.004+08:00

i guess thats the problem..... u dun really need me at all... dont you? with or without me in ur life doesn matter... cos i only exist in ur virtual life...

but this u dun noe.... i need u alot in my life... u are everything to me.... i realise without u... i will feel empty... feel as if some part of me is missing...

i need u but u dun need me....

i have been wondering if one day i leave u virtually... if one day i am no longer around to train with you... to hunt with you... to protect u.... to accompany you... to chat with you....will u realise my absence..? will u miss me? i wonder how u will feel when im gone.... will some1 else just take over my place? will u just forget me... like the other buddies u hav? u once said im special...... i am really happy to hear tat but i dun noe wat this "special" really mean to u.....

i have to tell u how i feel.... i noe how it feels when u are nt ard... i realised how impt u are to me... i realised if i lose u.... i will break down... tats y i dun wanna lose u... i dun wanna leave u eventho i wan to noe how u feel.... i cant bear to leave u... u are the one who kept me here... without u... i wouldn be ard anymore.... u are the reason.... u are my reason.... the best reason....

2010-05-11T18:19:00.002+08:00

u noe.... i didn slp well yesterday night..... i woke up from a dream at abt 4+am...... didn get to slp agn until 7+..... during this 3 hrs.... i have been thinking... recalling the things that happened....

i really cannot be more sure abt my feelings for u..... cos... i realised whenever u are angry.... whenever u are sad..... i am always putting aside my own feelings... my own opinions to care abt urs.... have u ever noticed? i hav only just noticed.... rember when u said i lied to u..... its abt a small monetory issue.... i panicked.... i tried all i could to explain wat really happened... i was really happy that u understood finally... well u shld noe how it feels to be accused right? during tat time... i felt accused.... but i ignored it...cos all i care abt is u...

recently...i found out stuff i shouldn have found out... i was more upset than furious... in fact i broke down.... as if i have been left out in the cold... left in the dark..... and then i told u and u said u needed time... but in the end... u said "can i not explain?" and all i said was ok...... y? cos i really dun wan to put u in a difficult spot... haiz... i ignored/forgot how upset i was.... all i did is to accomodate u... did u ever realise?

u may not believe wat im gonna say next.... i wish to tell u that i spend most of my free time... thinking abt u.... thinking of u..... everything abt u.... i am serious.... this may scare u... but i have to tell u... i deeply in love with u.... i cant stop thinking abt u... haiz.... after abt 1yr+... i still cant see u....

2010-05-09T10:27:00.003+08:00

i wonder if i still have any chance to be with u... to change ur mind.... i wonder if u think i am sincere... i wonder if u think i hav motives.. i alrdy dun noe how i can show u tat i really wana be with u... u noe... all the reactions i get from u.... i dunno wats wat... i cant intepret anymore... im lost.... i really hope to clarify everything but i dun hav the guts to ask u.. cos im afraid tat u might try to avoid me.... i dunno how to approach u with the many qns i hav....

there are 2 miracles tat i really hope can happen to me......

one is tat i can recover from this chronic illness.... i realise i got it since the start of my jc life... i am suppose to be taking 7 pills a day.... but i am only taking 1 pill a day.... well u can say tat i hav given up.... tats just cos i felt tat taking tat 6 extra pills didn help me... i noe tat bad things can happen if i dun take an active role in treating it... but i really didn wanna bother anymore.. recovering from this irritating illness will be one of the best things tat can happen to me.... return me my normal life...

second miracle is tat i cann be with u........ its tat simple.... after all the things tat happened.... countless rejection.... i figured it will take a miracle if i really can be with u in the future.... i say in the future cos i noe u are not ready.... but all i need is ur confirmation u noe? let me noe u wan me in ur life in the future.... i will be more than happy to wait for u...

ok.... here comes the catch.... if only one miracle can happen to me.... i will choose the second one... i will choose u..... i am willing to choose u over my life..... well... hah... if u ever saw this... u may tat wat i wrote here isn real.... tats wouldn be wat i really want..... but how do u noe? cos u urself said.... u cant put a scale on sincerity and thoughts..... it may be my everything but it might hav meant ntg to u..... u get wat i mean? i am sincere but i could be tat u intepret my actions as being fake.... my efforts as being fake... does it sound familiar to u?

so... i really need to find an opportunity to clarify all my qns.... and when tat time comes... it may be the time for me to make it or break it... it may mean tat i cannot protect u... i cannot accompany u in cabal anymore... cos when these qns spill..... i dunno wat will happen btw us.... haiz... but i really wanna let u noe... im in love with u.... tats for sure... but its up to u to feel whether i love u....

2010-05-06T20:22:00.001+08:00

whenever u say "jy gdluck"..."careful" to me.... i smile from the btm of my heart....

this kind of smile... only u can make me smile this way....

2010-05-06T17:07:00.002+08:00

hah..... i realise how much is at stake for me.... i am balancing sch and this.... hoping that i can do fairly well for both.... hoping that i can do ok for sch... and can be tgt with u in the end.... if i can achieve tat.... everything would be worthwhile... cos i noe i will be very happy with u..

wat if i still fail to be with u? wat if u still dun accept me? i really can do nothing but to blame myself... blame myself for not doing enough? blame myself for being so stupid? blame myself for being so naive? when i have finally used up my last chance.... i am not sure wat i can do anymore... i could hav done better in my sch stuff but... i chose to be with u... i dun wan u to feel guilty if u ever read this... cos its my choice... i wanted to put in effort for u....

many ppl/frens told me tat it wont be worthwhile... told me tat thrs no chance.... but i always tell them... watch and see.... i noe if i try hard enough, if i can prove to u... thrs a chance i can be with u... the one i fell in love with....

so... this huge stake on the line.... i alrdy made my choice... made my decision to try to prove to u.... i have alrdy put in all my effort... well.. like i read in ur blog....u cant put a scale to sincereity... ppl may see ur effort as being fake... so i dun noe if my efforts meant anything at all to u...

if i fail.... it will mean tat i screwed up big time.... cos i couldn be with the person i love and at the same time i didn excel in my studies... like i said above... if i can be with u.... everything will be worthwhile.... cos u are impt to me.... and i hope u noe this....

2010-05-05T13:11:00.003+08:00

do you noe... it saddens me when i see you being sad.... being angry....

i like to read ur blog... because i wanna get to noe u more... because i miss you.... it one of the ways i can feel closer to u... =(

but whenever u are angry or sad... those post make me sad too.... my heart aches whenever i see tat u are sad or angry..... how i wish i can be there for u.... be there to hug u... be there to comfort u.... be there to lend u my shoulder.... so u can rest on it.... cry on it if u wan.... i am willing to be there all day just to accompany u.... make u feel better.... when u emo... i wanna be thr to feel it and emo tgt with u....

how i wish.... i can be there to tell you how much i love you... how much u mean to me... how much i am willing to sacrifice for u.... how i wish i can be your wonder wall..... the wall u can lean against.... do watever u wan to it.... i am willing to be always thr.... just for u... if u let me...

2010-04-30T19:28:00.003+08:00

i am willing to wait.... as long as you give me signs of confirmation once in a while... to keep my fire burning.... im always thr.... always the same me.... i'll be thr for u as long as u allow me to... until one day u decide to accept me into ur life... i will wait till tat day... even if it takes a miracle... i will wish upon the star and wait for it to happen... believe me i will... i will nt break ur heart... i will nt make u sad... i will nt make u angry... i will brighten up ur day when ur down... i will help u with all i hav... giv everything to u... all my heart.... believe me... =)

Please don't tell her... ='(

2010-04-27T17:54:00.003+08:00

This song really hits the spot.... i cried... cos it really describes how i feel...

(.... About a girl he really miss.... he really love)
i hear she's kickin ass across the board
And rock two hundred thousand higher scorer
Just in time to save the world of being taken over
she's a warrior
(.... means that this girl is so good... so perfect... )
i couldn't play again because the game it never end
It never even landed on the can
And never let me in to spend my quarter
there's no love for me no more
(.... he never got a chance to be with her... to play the "game" of love)

say it isn't so
how she easily come, how she easy go
please don't tell her that i miss her
because i don't

she was the girl with the broadest shoulders
But she would die before i crawled over them
she is taller than i am
(.... she is too good for him...)
she knew i wouldn't mind the view there
or the altitude with a mouth full of air
she let me down and doubt came out until the now became later
(... she tried... and she knew tat he loves her... he wanna be with her...)

say that it isn't so
how she easily come, how she easy go
please don't tell her that i've been meaning to miss her
because i don't
not for her
it's not that i'm mad to forgive
forget what i said

that i'm crazy like the rest of us
and i'm crazier when i'm next to her, ha

so why after the all of everything that came and went
I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras
i told you i don't but
i am only trying to be the best with my intent
To cure the rest is sure to lay me ease
The plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology
(.... he doesn wan her to know he misses her...)
that's easier said
easier than done
(.... he wants to forget.... but its hard... )
please don't dare tell her what i've become
please don't mention all the attention i have drawn
please don't bother cause she'll feel guilty when i'm gone
(.... he doesn wan her to know how sad he is... how much he misses her.. cos he knows she will feel guilty...)

because i'm crazy like the rest of us
and i'm crazier when i'm next to her
and it's amazing how she's self-assured
and i know she'd hate me if she knew my words
do i hurt anymore
do i hurt, well
i don't
i don't
i don't

2010-04-26T15:18:00.003+08:00

It requires alot of love to leave/let go of the person u really love..... but if u cant bear to let go, does it mean there isn enough love? and if there isn enough love, what rights do you have to hold on then?

its just like.... it takes a hen to make an egg, an egg to make a hen... so which comes first?

as stated in the previous post.... one can never never understand love... it leaves us confused and dumbfounded just when we tot we knew all abt it...

so the best thing to do is.... once you have made the choice....stop questioning and just love with all ur heart...

2010-04-24T12:18:00.000+08:00

the best qoute i have ever heard.... and it was from my fren... here goes

"what is love? how can one hope to understand in our lifetime, the complexity and simplicity of love? But a lifetime is only what we have, so it is best not to spend eternity searching for answers but rather spending it loving with all one's heart."

i hope tat special someone reads this and understand why i am doing wat i am doing for her....

2010-04-21T17:11:00.000+08:00

Solitude

is that a good idea?

retreat into the shadows to heal myself?

if i ever go into solitude, will i be able to emerge from it..

2010-04-21T12:44:00.002+08:00

i can only look at you in pictures....

how i wish i could look at you in person....

when i look at ur picture.... the feeling in me intensifies...
when i see you, i smile from the bottom of my heart...

just by looking at ur picture, i feel happy...
happy to know how you really look like...
happy to noe that this is the girl i fell in love with...

sometimes... i just feel that i shld let go... cos i noe how u feel
ur nt ready for it... tats y u have been rejecting me... letting go would definitely make u a happier girl... but i have to admit im selfish... cos i feel that y am i letting go of my happiness? i feel that if i let go, im nt sure if i can ever love agn... u see.... alot of it is abt how i feel... but i also care abt how u feel... this puts me in a dilemma... to let go or nt to let go... or perhaps i shld stand back until u are rdy.... tat would be abt 2 more yrs yea? i hope so... i hope i can hang on.... i will definitely try my very best to hang on for u...

2010-04-19T23:49:00.003+08:00

Have you ever wondered how much i want to be with you?
Have you ever wondered how sincere i am towards you?
Have you ever wondered how much i wish i could just give you everything?
Have you ever wondered how much i want to tell you how i feel?
Have you ever wondered how much i want you to hug you?
Have you ever wondered how much i want you to feel how i really feel?
Have you ever wondered how much i want kiss you?
Have you ever wondered how much i want to really care for you?

I think.... i guess.... maybe u have.... but

Have you ever wondered how much i want to know how you feel towards me?

i want to be with you.... but i noe i am not perfect.... i have got some flaws... but i love you....

i believe i have made you wondered about all these qns b4.... but there are definitely a few qns tat u dunno... cos if the other qns really got thru to u... u shld have guessed... cos i really cant live with out you and i really hope u noe tat... i hav grown close to you and grown to rely on you... like u said... reliance make us lose the ability to fight loneliness.... and yes... i cannot face the loneliness without you... you make me complete... you make me who i am now... you make my day sunny... you make me feel loved... and i really hope i can make u feel the same way as well...

2010-04-13T17:07:00.003+08:00

i wonder wat is a relationship to some ppl.... wats the importance to them... wat impact does it have on them when they get into or out of one...

one of my campmate broke up with his gf nt long ago.... maybe they broke up on gd terms... but still i think there is at least still some feelings btw them. couple of wks ago i still see his gf's fb wall full of emo comments.... but recently she is in a relationship agn... with another guy.... and so it got me thinking... isn thr any attachments... any feelings? this took place within a mth or so, quick a short period of time isn it? this made me wonder.... wondering wat is the true meaning of being tgt with some1 u love... or so to speak gf/bf...... wats the real meaning behind the notions love, bf, gf.. or how people define those notions.

honestly speaking, i haven really been tgt with any1 b4..... but i hav been thru failures..... on my part mostly cos i dun think i shld blame her... T_T..... well even though i haven really got into a relationship but i have crashed and burned soooo hard.... and tat is even b4 it started.... i couldn imagine how it would be if i breakup with some1.... emo till the end of the world.... =S

maybe for diff ppl..... it has diff meaning.... but for me.. it means long termed committment, company, cherish, trust, care, love... and definitely hope....the biggest hope would be that the other party feels the same towards me as well....

2010-04-09T16:39:00.002+08:00

Its been sometime like this alrdy...... this equilibrium pt..... stable i can say.... cos i am not feeling anything... perhaps i cant feel anything.... i stop thinking... seems as though i hav given up totally alrdy.... i couldn believe it myself either... i didn think i could ever get over it...

but wait..

i didn get over it.... cos i feel it agn.... its starting to burn agn... but only slightly.... and i noe it will grow brighter and brighter like b4... its both gd and no gd.... haiz...

i dun noe wat i really want anymore....

a fren said to me.... when u sacrifice for a relationship.. u will tend to expect the other party to sacrifice as well..... i think tat is really very true.... but if u dun sacrifice... there will be no results.... so wat shld one do?

i am asking myself.... y am i waiting?... y am i always watching over in the shadows?.... is it worth the wait?... but i always subconciously reply myself... cos i noe im in love... cos i noe ur the one i need.... ur the one tat completes me... ur the one i like i be with... and i can be happy.... tats y i am willing to wait.

2010-04-05T11:44:00.001+08:00

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."~Sam Keen

thats wat happened...... i noe u are nt a perfect person... but to me.... i see a perfect person in u.... u complete me... T_T

2010-03-26T09:29:00.005+08:00

I wonder what it takes or how much it takes to be with someone you really wan to be with.... love the person... care for the person... i wonder how much heartbreak one has to go through before he/she is able to fulfil his/her dreams?

I think i am just unlucky to be in this situation? i am just someone you met online... maybe someone that you trust a little more than any other people online.... so watever i do will have little or no impact on you i guess.... all the effort i put in does not really mean anything to you....

I could hav put in all my effort, drained all my movtivation, used up all my courage, spent all my time with you....... my wait for 1+yrs (who noes how much longer i can hold on... how much longer i can survive).... these might have some impact on you.. and it might hav moved you.. but in the end after all that we hav been thru, i still cant be with you.

However, sometime in the future... when some1 comes along... some1 real... some1 u can see, you can feel, u can hear, u can touch comes along..... i believe he wont need to go thru all those i have done and he can easily get you... be with you.. love you.... tats just coz he is real.

y isit that i cant continue or advance... you are not giving me a chance or maybe you are not giving urself a chance...

I want to understand you more, and i hope for u to noe me more.....

all we need is a chance.... all i need is an opportunity... a chance given by u.... for me to really get to noe u... and for u to noe me... for real.... well then i think to u true love can happen?

2010-03-17T21:32:00.002+08:00

its unbearable.... this feeling in me... this lonliness is killing me... this silence is gonna take my life... i dunno how long i can last... if this feeling in me ain't gonna take my life... something else will... something i haven given up fighting long ago.... and i got a feeling its not gonna do me a favour of letting me live my life properly

you must be thinking... y is this person so dumb... so naive... and at the same time wondering y is this guy trying so hard....

its cos he is serious about it... he is giving you all the trust....
its cos he has ntg to lose... he thinks tat its the right decision... tats y he is fighting so hard...

however... it seems like all his efforts are futile.... ignored.... heart broken.... soon... he will let go and die... his aim seems to have given up on him

2010-03-16T17:17:00.002+08:00

I noe that if i leave.... if i let go... it will be good for both of us. definitely good for you..... but as for me.... maybe ba... maybe it will be good too....

but no matter what u say to me, how much pain u deal to me, how much i tell myself to go, tell myself to let go... i just dun hav the power and the will to do it.... i just cannot bear to let go... well... tats just me i guess....

i think... i will have to let go one day... tats for sure... cos i noe... i noe i will never get to be with you already... u sealed up ur heart..... i will be kept out forever.... no matter wat i say or wat i do can ever make u change ur mind anymore... u are stubborn.... i am stubborn too... tats whr i get hurt... i guess i can only be ur "friend" forever..... and the inverted commas can never be removed.... i mean never.... because i got a feeling that you will never allow me to remove them. I think you will only allow us to either stay as "friends" or none at all......

You shut my paths..... i cant advance.... and the only way is back... and its full of memories and pain.... memories of the times we spent tgt.... memories of all i did for you...

all i did for you... now i noe that it means ntg to you at all.... cos you think its a facade i put up to get close to you... to gain ur trust... so.... u r saying i have hidden motives? if its so... then i have ntg to say....it just means u hav never trusted me.... i just hope i can prove everything to you... prove u wrong... i just hope i got the courage to go against you and for once, explain everything and prove to you tat i really care, prove to you tat all i wanted was to be with you.... ntg more.. ntg less... cos to u words in the cyber world are nt real... are not sincere... are not solid enough.... until one day if fate brings me to you... if luck is on my side and i get to see you one day.... i hope you dun run away... cos i hope i can have the courage to talk to you and tat i want you to see the real me... i want you to judge for yourself.... if i am such a person.... with hidden motives....

2010-03-15T18:30:00.002+08:00

no words to describe how i feel now....

maybe there is... i feel numb... i feel emotionless.... yet when some songs play, my eyes well up with tears...as if it was describing the situation i am in and i feel for the song... i already dunno how to control my feelings.. i already dunno how to coax myself into thinking that there is still chance, there is still hope..... Deep down inside im very sure that i still love you.... but reality tells me that i no longer have any chance... i have used up all my tries.... the "game" ends here for me... i cant continue i cant stop the countdown.... 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1......... its not because i dun wan to... its probably because it shut me out alrdy... i ain't given any chance anymore...

i tot i could make it last.... but it ended so abruptly that i didn noe how to react.... i was weak.... i broke down.... i couldn believe wat i saw.. i couldn believe wat happened.... why it happened and how it happened.... you just pulled the plug.... all was left for me were the broken pieces of happiness that i had to pick up... i am still trying to mend these pieces.... but no matter how much effort i put in.... it seems tat you just dun wan any of it anymore... for happiness to happen, it needs the effort of both of us..... im putting in effort but if you are not... or you dun wanna put in any effort.... then all my efforts will just be wasted..... its just me.... all my efforts are futile if you dun do your part...

the day is close... i can feel it.... i just wanna giv u watever i can giv if i still can, if u still allow me, if i still can turn back the hands of time.... all i wan in return is ur love.... oh... 1 more thing.... ur reliance.... srsly i wan ntg more than these 2 things from u.... i swear cos its all i live for without them i feel lifeless, aimless, hopeless.... but if i really fail.... if i have break the promises i made to you in the past... i hope for you to noe that i have been holding on... i have been hoping... i have been praying.... and lastly.. i have always loved you.... not one moment have i doubted it...

i love you yun......

2010-03-14T10:41:00.001+08:00

im a loser...... i am weak.......

2010-03-06T20:51:00.003+08:00

I am very sure.... or should i say... i was very sure....

Being sure about something, its very hard to come by.... but we can never be sure forever.
Time can slowly make us unsure. Its sad but its true......

For example, I am sure that this girl is the one for me.... the one i want to live my life with.
but things aren't going the way i'd had like it to go... this girl may not be ready for a relationship with me yet and so i wait because i know i am very sure that i can be happy with her. But as time slowly passes by, this feeling of sureness starts to wane....... this is because this girl is not responding in a way that reassures me.... while i can reassure myself but this is only temporary because the truth will hit me one day.... the glaring truth that this girl will not be with me.... or maybe she doesn't want to be with me from the very start. This wait and everything i do or did did not melt her icy heart, instead it only caused me pain... broke my heart.

I am sure.... please don't let me wait further... i dun wan uncertainty to creep into my mind... i hope you can be sure too.... i want to be with you... i am serious... i am sure

2010-03-02T18:09:00.002+08:00

Love is a choice
Once the choice is made, you should not give up easily.

I like the rain.
I like the noise the rain makes.
I find peace when it rains.

Now
I don't want it to rain.
I don't want the clouds to dissipate after the rain.
I want to see the clouds.
Although i noe there maybe rainbow after rain, I don't care.
All I want is the clouds to be there.

周杰伦 - 不能说的秘密

2010-02-23T17:16:00.001+08:00

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见
最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变已走过的时间
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见
最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变已走过的时间
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

云...我不想失去你, 你知道吗？

2010-02-16T12:31:00.002+08:00

Hope keeps me going.... well, i have been hoping for so long.... i just need to believe that it will come true someday.... yea someday...

Believing seems to be the best thing i can do now to keep me going on. I need to keep myself positive, if not i will crumble, i will die, i will lose myself... cos of u....

i dun wanna lose you... i dun wanna giv up...

i need a miracle... i need you....

Its getting cold.... dear..... im feeling cold....

2010-02-11T21:45:00.002+08:00

Its been bad lately...... other than running out of topics..... i been feeling cold... she seems to be giving me the cold shoulder treatment.. =(

what is wrong? i feel so useless.... so weak... its like i dun noe you anymore... =/

am i losing ur trust?

2010-02-01T22:53:00.002+08:00

Contemplating on really giving up..... it seems we couldn be like how we were before... it seems like our conversation has become very hollow... empty...

no matter how much i try... or how much u try.... we just couldn talk like before i feel...

i feel that i couldn make you happy anymore.. i cannot make you laugh like i could before... im not sure why... i think its my weakness...

once bitten twice shy.... but i have braved through so many times already....i have passed the limit but now... my courage is slowly waning, its slowly draining me..... i am not sure if i have anymore courage to try agn.... but i noe i wanna try agn.... i dun wanna giv up.... as mentioned... im contemplating on forcing myself to give up...

Kimi Sae Ireba...... As long as you are here.... its a good enuf reason for me nt to give up.... but if u wan me to... or if u alrdy given up.... i dun think i have the power to go on.... right?

2 makes for love.... its nt possible for 1 person to maintain it.... 1 sided love is as gd as nt loving.... its useless and it will nt harbor any results.... i wish mine isn 1 sided love... but im starting to feel it is... starting to cfm it is...

if..... i gave up..... deep down in me... i will blame myself.... i will blame u too.... i have to be honest... i will blame u.... blame u for watever things u did not do, did not say to keep me with u. tats if u still wan me ard....

recently, its been cold.... our conversation just couldn hold long enuf... our conversation just isn meaningful anymore, just isn interesting anymore. i hope to rekindle it... i really wish i could rekindle it....

张学友 - 如果·爱

2010-01-25T17:56:00.000+08:00

每个人都想明白
谁是自己生命不该错过的真爱
特别在午夜醒来更是会感慨
心动埋怨还有不能释怀
都是因为你触碰了爱
如果这就是爱
再转身就该勇敢留下来
就算受伤就算流泪
都是生命里温柔灌溉
哦爱在回忆里总是那么明白
困惑的心流过的泪
还有数不清黑夜等待
如果这就是爱
如果你当时明白
后来的生命里是快乐还是悲哀
特别在夜深人静时想起未来
是否能平静不会想现在
只是因为你拥有了爱
如果这就是爱
再转身就该勇敢留下来
就算受伤
就算流泪
都是生命里温柔灌溉
哦爱在回忆里总是那么明白
困惑的心
流过的泪
还有数不清黑夜等待
如果这就是爱
如果这就是爱

As always.....

2010-01-25T17:41:00.000+08:00

Is it so hard to just let go??? To let fly.... To free some1.....some1 that you care about... some1 that u love...

2 situations here..... both having to end up with this question...

Is it so hard to stop depending on this particular some1?
Is it so hard to stop caring about this particular some1?
Is it so hard to just let this particular some1 be who she/he is?
Is it so hard to let things unfold itself?
Is it so hard to let go?

1st situation:

I wan to leave
I wan to live my own life
I wan some freedom
I wan some love... but not all the love
I wan some attention... but not all the attention
I wan some time to myself... of course not all the time
I wan some peace

I hope you all would just give it to me....

2nd situation:

I wan to stay with you
I wan you in my life
I wan you to tie me down with commitments... I anm willing to be tied down
I wan to love you... give you all my love
I wan to give you my attention... give you all my attention
I wan to spend time with you... all my time if possible
I dun wan peace... I wan you to pester me

All i hope for is a chance to fulfill all that... let me be with you...

Of course when you are ready.... I will wait... mark my words...

The 2 above situation I am currently in at the moment.... i noe it seems ironic/paradox or whatever... i just hope i can get out of these 2 mess as soon as possible... both are important to me.. close to my heart. =(

The one....

2010-01-24T21:27:00.000+08:00

The truth is, everyone is gonna hurt you. You just gotta find the one's worth suffering for.

Secondhand Serenade - Suppose

2010-01-19T16:48:00.000+08:00

Suppose that I missed you
Suppose that I care
And suppose that spent all my nights running scared
And suppose
That I was never there
In my eyes I'm screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too
Suppose we were happy
Suppose it was true
And suppose there were cold nights but we found that waiting through
And suppose that I'm nothing without you
My eyes I'm screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too
Slow way down
This break downs eating me alive
And I'm tired
This fire's fighting to survive
Tell me a secret (I want it)
Tell me a story (I need it)
I'll listen intensively
I'll stay awake all night
All of me is a whisper (So don't leave)
There's nothing left in me (Please help me)
Not even my body is strong enough to fight (Let's make this right)

Yellow Card - Only One

2010-01-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go...so dishonestly leave a note for you my only one
And I know...you can see right through me
So let me go...and you will find some one

王力宏 - 唯一

2010-01-19T16:40:00.000+08:00

我的天空多么的清新
透明的承诺是过去的空气
牵着我的手是你
但你的笑容却看不清
是否一颗星星变了心
从前的愿望
也全都被抛弃
最近我无法呼吸
连自己的影子
都想逃避(逃避)
BABY 你就是我的唯一
两个世界都变形
回去谈何容易
确定你就是我的唯一
独自对着电话说我爱你
我真的爱你
BABY 我已不能多爱你一些
其实早已超过了爱的极限

Some love qoutes... very touching to me

2010-01-18T21:16:00.000+08:00

Im trying not to love you
Im trying not to care
Im trying not to live my life wishing you were there
Im trying not to wonder where you are or what you are doing
Im sorry I cant help myself....
I fell in love with you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dont know where I stand in you
I dont know what I mean to you
All I know is that everytime i think of you
All I wanna do is be with you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Broken dreams...broken heart...,
Tearing eyes...dying soul...,
Despairing step...trembling body...
I'm going my way...
To live the world without you.
I'm just a name that soon forgotten by you,
Just like a dust gone with the wind,
Slowly disappeared from your sight.
My love is only a whisper in the wind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only people you need in your life
are the ones who need you in theirs....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These qoutes are sad but true..... tears well up when i read them... i wish the dream could become real or at least... continue...

Im in a mess

2010-01-12T18:35:00.000+08:00

我们总是可望得到快乐。
不过，当你终于能得到快乐的时候，
在另一头的另一个人并不一定也快乐哦。
到地要怎么样才能让两个人都能得到快乐呢？
当你以为梦想真的能使现的时候，
命运就会残忍地把一切给毁掉。
到地要怎么样才能保护一切不让命运插手呢？
怎么命运总是要在我们最快乐的时候把我们给唤醒？
如这一切都只是一场梦，我干原永远不醒来，
我干原用我的一生，去换回这场对我来说最美丽的梦。

我~ 把爱铺成蓝天让不安的你一抬头就看的见
我~ 把心烧成火焰让怕黑的你拥着温暖入眠
我晓得时间如雪有时候会覆盖一切
但是真爱一如倔强会重生的绿叶~。

我知道我的一切你已不想要繼續在乎只會讓你想逃~
我不相信這全是種煎熬原來愛你是那麼難預料
找依靠卻没有我想要的好我的等待換不到你擁抱~
只好讓回憶短暫的炫耀原來任性對彼此都不好。

无奈。。。不知到这对我是好还是坏。。。
我只知到我不快乐，不知到你快乐吗？